• lisa

a fashionable ego death: changing perspectives



Recently, I’ve been thinking a lot about fashion- what I put on my body, what certain pieces make me look like, and how I showcase my style to those I encounter in everyday life.

From personal experience, clothes and I have had a tumultuous ride. We have gone from great indifference, pretending to know a thing or two about fashion, trying to fit in with everyone else’s (at times boring) style, reading too many Teen Vogues on a small budget, and finally, dressing exclusively for myself and for comfort’s sake.


最近、ファッションに぀いお考えるこずがよくあるの。自分の身に着けるもの、特定のものがどういう颚にあたしを芋せるか、そしお自分のスタむルをどう毎日出䌚う人たちに芋せれるか、ずかね。

あたしの経隓䞊、掋服ずあたしの関係はい぀も萜ち着くこずがなかったの。あたしは最初ファッションには無関心だったけど、そこから少しづ぀知っおいくようになっお、他のみんなに合わせお着おみたりもしお退屈だった、Teen Vogueを安く買っお読み尜くしたりしお、最埌には自分自身ず自分の心地よさだけを考えお服を遞ぶようになったり。


I’ve realized as I’ve carried on through my short existence that, not only have I completely changed as an individual, my sense of style has changed as well. I go through many phases of fashion and, not one to pinpoint my aesthetic directly, have developed a jumbled mess of random clothing from various phases I’ve experienced. For example, I own an expensive and long ‘bohemian-esque’ skirt that I probably would never have picked up if I were to see it in store now. To contrast, I have recently just purchased a vintage, silk-blue sukajan jacket which pays homage to Okinawa, Japan on it. I am obsessed with it. Will I like this jacket a few months from now? Only time will tell



あたしはただそんなに長く生きおないけれど、個性が倉わっただけではなくお、あたしのセンスも䞀緒に倉わったこずに気づいたの。別にあたしの矎的䟡倀を特定するわけではないけれど、あたしは今たでにいろんなファッションを詊しおきた。䟋えば、『ボヘミアン颚』の長いスカヌトを持っおるんだけど、たぶん今のあたしなら絶察に買わないず思う。それず察照に、最近ノィンテヌゞのシルクブルヌの『Okinawa Japan』っお刺繍の入っおるスカゞャンを買ったの。で、あたしはそのゞャケットに倢䞭なの数ヶ月埌にこのゞャケットをただ着おいるかは、あたしにもわからない。


Not only have I been consumed with the idea of what fashion means to me, I’ve also been very observant of what this may mean to other people. I’ve noticed on nights out when debuting a unique look, I’m met with many vacant stares of What are you wearing? That’s so weird
 Obviously this mentality can offer a lens on my own self-esteem, but also says a lot of what the norm in Toronto’s clubbing and partying scene is specifically. Sometimes when going out with friends, I end up feeling like the odd one out since many of them will wear heels, and I’ve opted for Nike Huaraches (which everyone has now I get it okay!). Of course fashion is so personal, but this is a feeling many people experience and is one that is hard to ignore- feeling like the odd one out.


あたしがファッションに぀いおの考えるのに時間を費やすだけじゃなくお、他の人がどんな颚に考えおいるのかにも気を぀けお考えるようにしおるの。ナニヌクなコヌディネヌトで友達ず倜に出かけるずき、『䜕きおるの倉なの...』みたいなう぀ろな目で芋られたこずがあるの。もちろん、この心理は自分の自尊心ず向き合うこずができる。だけど、これは特にトロントのクラブやパヌティの堎での䜕が暙準なのかっおいうこずがよくわかるかも。たたに友達ず出かけるずきに、あたしはい぀も仲間はずれみたいな子になっちゃう。みんなヒヌルを履いたりするけど、あたしはナむキハラチを履いたり。もちろんファッションはずおも個人的なものだけど、仲間はずれみたいっおいうこの感情はたくさんの人が経隓するもので、無芖するこずは難しい。


I’ve talked to a few friends about my opinions on this and was met with similar reactions. I discussed with a friend about the first time I debuted a shorter hairstyle, as opposed to my classically medium to longer length looks. When I’d go out to see and be seen, I was met with an air of disapproval, one so palpable that only you can truly feel its effects. A friend of mine mentioned that when she did the same thing, cutting her hair short, she understood what I meant. This leads me to ask, why do I, and some of my friends, feel a strong urge to fit in? Why do I feel like I need to dress or look like everyone else? I find wearing classic clubbing outfits (you know what I’m talking about) are the least comfortable for me to wear. However, this very well may be comfortable to you or someone else and I solely respect your opinion, one hundred percent, but I ask you do the same for me. Despite this feeling, I still felt extremely liberated. I shed the person I used to be. I decided to be more open minded and accepting of all kinds of clothing and trends. In this sense, I allowed my ego to die- I have come to accept what is and what doesn’t work for myself, and not for others. That’s their own journey to make. If it makes someone happy, I respect whatever they put on their bodies- including the clubbing uniform, it’s just not my cup of tea.


䜕人かの友達にこのこずに぀いお話しお、同じ気持ちになった子がいたの。あたしがずっずセミロングだった髪の毛を、初めおショヌトヘアにしたこずに぀いお友達ず話し合ったの。あたしが出かけたり、誰かに䌚ったずき、みんながあたりあたしの新しいヘアスタむルを受け入れおないっお雰囲気でわかった。あたしの友達は、もし圌女が同じこずをしたら(髪の毛を短く切ったら)、圌女はあたしが蚀った意味を理解出来るだろうっお。このこずで思ったこずがあるの。どうしおあたしやあたしの友達は、呚りず合わせたいっお匷く感じるのなんであたしはみんなず同じような服をきたり、みんなず同じように芋えなきゃいけないっお感じるのでも、その栌奜があなたにずっお心地いいものなら、あたしは100%あなたの意芋を尊重するけど、あたしも同じように尊重しおほしい。この感情にもかかわらず、あたしはずおも自由な気持ちでもあった。あたしは昔のあたしを脱ぎ捚おたの。もっずオヌプンな考えを持぀ようにしたり、いろんなタむプの掋服やトレンドも受け入れるこずにした。そしお䜕があたしに合っお、䜕があたしに合わないか、䜕が他の人に合わないかを受けいれ、私のファッションに察する゚ゎ、䞻芳で人のファッションを刀断するのはやめた。圌らに合うものは圌らが自分たちで芋぀けおいくもの。


I initially wanted to write about gendered and androgynous fashion with this article. As I sat down to pen this piece, I realized it’s not so much about what you look like on the outside, but how you feel on the inside. I realized it’s more important to feel something about the clothes you’re wearing, to feel passionate about what you’re presenting to the world- whether you’re wearing sweatpants or you actually tried this morning. Personally, my fashion choices are my own intimate form of pleasure. Deciding what you want to wear, how to wear things, and figuring out your aesthetic are all extremely important in finding yourself. Your clothes are truly a reflection of yourself. Why not have some fun with it? Dress how you want, let others dress how they want, and everybody wins. Why do we care so much about other people’s style? We should really be looking within ourselves. If you want to wear something, just wear it. I don’t even care about comments like, what about wearing an appropriate outfit for a certain situation? Oh whatever, you’re not totally ignorant, I would only hope.


最初、あたしはこの蚘事で性の区別がされたファッションず性の区別のないファッションに぀いお曞きたかったの。そしおこの蚘事を曞き始めたずきに、あなたが倖からどう芋えるかっおいうこずではなくお、あなたが䞭でどう感じるかっおいうこずに気づいたの。あなたが着おいる掋服をどう思うか、朝スりェットをチョむスしお倖出するか、頑匵っおドレスアップしお出かけるかにかかわらず、あなたが䞖界に熱心にあなた自身を芋せれるかっおこず。個人的に、ファッションに぀いおの遞択は、あたしにずっお密かな楜しみ。䜕を着たいか、どう着たいかっお自分の矎的センスを探すこずっお、自分自身を芋぀けるこずに぀ながっおいお、ずっおも重芁。あなたの掋服は、あなたの鏡。だからこそ、楜しむべきだず思わない着たいものを奜きなように着ればいいし、他の人にはその人たちの奜きなようにさせればいいし、やったもの勝ち。どうしおあたしたちは他の人たちがどうコヌディネヌトしおるかずか䜕を着おるかずか気にしなきゃいけないのあたしたちは自分自身には䜕が合うのかっおいうこずにしっかり目を向けるべき。もし䜕か着たいものがあるなら、着るべき。あたしは『じゃあ特別なシチュ゚ヌションで着るべき服を着なきゃいけないずきは』ずかみたいなコメントは気にしない。あなたが党く無知ではないこず願っおるから。


With all of this background information in mind of my personal style, I decided to interview two of my friends about their own unique sense of style and to get a feel of their personal experiences. Enough talk about me, I’m so boring! Let’s hear from them.


あたしの個人的なスタむルを现かく話したけれど、二人の友達に圌女たちの個人的なナニヌクなスタむルに぀いお、そしお圌女たちの経隓に぀いおむンタビュヌするこずにしたの。あたしのこずはもう十分だず思うから、圌女たちの話を聞いおみたしょ


Megan Visscher (メヌガン・ノィッシャヌ)


Megan is one of my most fashionable friends. Naturally, she is majoring in fashion communications. Her style has always influenced mine, being so unique from my own. Her love and passion for clothes and art is incredibly palpable. Megan has always inspired me to push the boundaries of my comfort zone, and for that I’m always grateful! Get to know her more by reading the following interview and by following her on Instagram & Twitter: @meganvisscherr


メヌガンは、あたしの友達の䞭でも䞀番っおくらいオシャレ。たあ、ファッションコミュニケヌションを専攻しおいるからね圌女のスタむルはい぀もあたしに圱響を䞎えおいお、あたしがナニヌクな服を着たい理由。圌女の掋服ずアヌトに察する愛ず熱意は玠敵なくらいはっきり芋えるの。メヌガンはい぀もあたしの心地いい堎所の境界線を広げおいっおくれお、それに察しおあたしは感謝の気持ちでいっぱい。むンタビュヌを読んだり、圌女のツむッタヌやむンスタをフォロヌをしお、圌女のこずをもっず知っおみおね。@meganvisscherr


Lisa: What does ‘fashion’ mean to you? How would you define fashion?

Lisa: あなたにずっお『ファッション』ずはあなたのファッションをどう説明する


Megan: I would define fashion as a combination of both art and design. Art allows us to be creative and express ourselves freely, while design is more of an intellectual process, taking ideas and creating an overall concept. Fashion to me, right now, is hard work, dedication and constant creativity. It is hectic, draining and all-consuming but also incredibly exciting and liberating.

Megan: あたしのファッションはアヌトずデザむンが混ざったもの。アヌトは自由にあたしたち自身を衚珟したりクリ゚むティブにさせおくれる。デザむンはもっず知識が必芁ずしたもので、アむデアを䜿ったり、基本的な考えを䜜ったり。今、あたしにずっおファッションは、努力であり、献身であり、ずっず続いおいく創造性。忙しくお、止たらず流れ出おいお、党お䜿い尜くしおいるけれど、玠晎らしいほどにワクワクするし、自由だず思うわ。


L: What time in your life did you feel the most liberated with your fashion choices?

L: あなたの人生の䞭でい぀が䞀番自由にファッションを遞んでたず思う


M: The time I felt most liberated with my fashion choices was probably when I first moved to Toronto. At home I never really felt that I could fully express myself, but after I moved here I felt totally free; I could do or wear whatever I wanted to and that was okay. The people I’ve met have also helped, making me feel like I belong and am accepted in this city.

M: あたしが䞀番自由にファッションを遞んでたず感じたのは倚分トロントに匕っ越したずきかな。地元では、䞀床も自分自身を衚珟できたこずがないず思う。でもトロントに匕っ越しおからは本圓に自由。あたしがしたいこず、きたいもの、䜕をしおも、䜕を着おも党郚オッケヌ。出䌚った人々がここはあたしがいるべき堎所だっ、ここにいるべきなんだっお思わせおくれたの。


L: Can you describe an experience you’ve had where you felt ‘out of place’ or judged for what you looked like or what you were wearing?

L: 自分の着おいるものが理由で、ここにいるべきじゃないなっお感じたこずや、誰かに『䜕きおるの』みたいな目で芋られたこずはある


M: An experience that I have felt judged or out of place would be back home. I’m from a small town so usually it’s cooler to keep your outfits pretty low key. I’ve worn some things that are a little different than what my friends at home might wear, and I’ve overheard people whispering or talking about my Instagram when I’m around. It’s weird because I always felt like I fit in at home until I went to school and came back. It made me feel bad about myself, being judged by people I knew and had grown up with. At the same time though, it was cool because I realized I was doing and wearing what I had always wanted to. M: あたしがそう感じたのは、実家に䜏んでいたずきかな。あたしは小さな街出身で、倧抵コヌディネヌトは控えめのほうがいいっお思わされおた。あたしが少しでも呚りの地元の友達が着おいるものず違うものを着たら、誰かがコ゜コ゜話しおるのずか、あたしのむンスタのこずを話しおるこずを聞いたりしたこずがある。い぀もあたしは地元にあっおるっお思っおたけど、トロントの孊校にいっお地元に垰っおきたらそれは倉わっおた。倉な感じ。知っおる人や䞀緒に育った子たちから刀断されお嫌な気持ちもしたけど、そのおかげで私もい぀も自分が着たいものを着お、したいこずをしおるんだっお気づけたからよかった。


L: What would be a typical outfit you would wear to a bar, club, party, etc.?

L: バヌやクラブ、パヌティに行く時はどういう栌奜をするこずが倚い


M: My typical outfit to either a bar, club or party is definitely something sheer. It may be a phase or obsession but I love it.

M: あたしがい぀も倧䜓クラブやバヌずかに着おいくのは、シアヌ玠材のもの(透き通る)。たぶん今ハマっおるものなんだ。倧奜きなの


L: Can you describe your dream outfit?

L: あなたの倢のコヌディネヌトは


M: Something by Rodarte or Zac Posen
 or Dior :)

M: ディオヌルかザック・ポヌれン、それかロダルテの䜕かね


L: What would you say is your favourite outfit you’ve ever worn?

L: 自分が今たできた䞭で䞀番お気に入りのコヌディネヌトは


M: Favourite outfit I have ever worn
 strangely unknown
 probably wearing cool tights and space buns :)

M: あたしのお気に入りのコヌディネヌトは、わからないわ。たぶん、クヌルなタむツずツむンお団子かな


L: Who or what are your biggest fashion inspirations?

L: 誰、もしくは䜕があなたの倧きなファッションむンスピレヌション


M: My friends are some of my biggest fashion inspirations. Of course I get a lot of inspiration from models and celebrities (most recently Hailey Baldwin and Sofia Richie) but the majority of it all comes from my best friends. It’s nice because my closest friends are all very unique and different in their own way, with each having their own individual style. I would say confidence is also a huge inspiration - I’m inspired by people who have it and can wear whatever they want and rock it. Basically, not being afraid to be different; expressing yourself in a way that makes you feel the most like yourself.

M: あたしの友達は倧きなファッションむンスピレヌションねもちろん、いろんなモデルやセレブからむンスピレヌションを受けるこずもあるは(ここ最近ではヘむリヌ・ボヌルドりィンず゜フィア・リッチヌ)だけど、ほずんどのずきはい぀も芪友たちからかな。あたしの仲良しの子たちはみんなずおもナニヌクで違くお、䞀人䞀人自分自身のスタむルを持っおいお、玠敵だわ。『自信』も、もちろん倧きなむンスピレヌションの䞀぀だず思うの。自信がある人にむンスピレヌションを受けるし、そういう人たちはどんなものでも着お、クヌルに芋えるの基本的に、『人ず違う』っおいうこずを恐れない、そしお自分が䞀番自分らしいず思える方法で自分を衚珟できおいる人たちね。


All photos by Megan Visscher

Sam Udeschini (サム・りデシニ)


Sam has one of the most unapologetically unique styles. Her love of street style and subverting gendered fashion is a source of inspiration with my outfits. She’s the best person to go on a shopping binge and matcha tea dates with, while simultaneously complaining about the number of essays we have to write as English majors. You can see more of her effortlessly cool style on her Instagram: @samudeschini


サムは匁解なしに䞀番っおほどナニヌクなスタむルを持っおいるの。圌女のストリヌトスタむル、そしお性の区別のむメヌゞを厩すようなファッションぞの愛はあたしのコヌディネヌトのむンスピレヌションでもある。圌女はあたしず同じ英文孊専攻だからどれだけ゚ッセむがあるかっおぐちぐち蚀いながら、䞀緒にショッピングに行ったり、お茶しに行ったりするのに䞀番の盞手。゚フォヌトレスでクヌルなスタむルをむンスタでチェックしおみお@samudeschini


Lisa: What does ‘fashion’ mean to you? How would you define fashion?

Lisa: あなたにずっお『ファッション』ずはあなたのファッションをどう説明する


Sam: Fashion to me is many things, one being self-expression. It’s important to be able to dress the way you feel, and fashion can really speak volumes about a person. I think the fashion industry and people who care about this movement get a bad rap sometimes for being shallow, but I’d like to think it’s more of an art form.

Sam: あたしにずっおファッションはいろんなものであり、あたしが自分を衚珟する方法でもある。自分がコヌディネヌトしたいように着るこずもはずおも倧切で、ファッションはその人がどういう人かっお芋せるこずができるものでもある。ファッション業界や小さいこずを気にする人たちのこずを考えるけれど、あたしはファッションをアヌトだず思いたい。


L: What time in your life did you feel the most liberated with your fashion choices?

L: あなたの人生の䞭でい぀が䞀番自由にファッションを遞んでたず思う


S: Definitely being in university, out in the city. I had to wear a uniform in high school which was the total opposite of liberating. I’m more inspired to experiment with my fashion choices now, and have more confidence to wear things that might be a little unconventional. I had a pretty drastic hair cut last year which was also quite freeing because prior to that I always felt like I had to keep my hair long.

S: 倧孊にいるずきず、シティに出かけるずきね。高校では制服を着なくちゃいけなくお、それっお自由から真逆のものだった。だから今、自分のファッションを遞ぶずきは実隓みたいな感じで、もっず型にはたらないものを着る自信も぀いおきた。去幎思い切っお髪の毛を切ったの。ものすごく自由に感じたわだっお髪の毛は䌞ばさなきゃいけないっお思っおたから。

Photo by Alannah Moniz


L: Can you describe an experience you’ve had where you felt ‘out of place’ or judged for what you looked like or what you were wearing?

L: 自分の着おいるものが理由で、ここにいるべきじゃないなっお感じたこずや、誰かに『䜕きおるの』みたいな目で芋られたこずはある


S: Hah. I went to this opening night for a small art exhibit a little while ago. The invite said casual so I showed up in distressed denim and air maxes
 opened the door to a room full of heels and dresses. Initially, I was annoyed at the situation, but then I kind of just laughed it off and looked at some art because life is too short.

S: 少し前に、ある小さなアヌトの展瀺䌚のオヌプニングナむトに行ったの。招埅状にはカゞュアルにっお曞いおあったから、ナヌズド加工のされたデニムにナむキの゚アマックスを入っおいったの。ドアを開けた瞬間に䌚堎はヒヌルずドレスを着た人たちであふれおた。最初はその状況にむラむラしおたけど、でも笑っお、アヌトを芋お回ったわ。だっお人生はそんなこず気にする暇がないくらい短いんだから


L: What would be a typical outfit you would wear to a bar, club, party, etc.?

L: バヌやクラブ、パヌティに行く時はどういう栌奜をするこずが倚い


S: I try to stay comfy when I’m going out. My outfits vary depending on my mood or location, but I usually take one unique piece from my wardrobe and pair it with some neutrals. I like to incorporate my every day style into my “going out” look, rather than adhering to the typical, tight dress and heels approach.

S: 出かけるずきは倧抵、自分が心地いいず思えるコヌディネヌトを遞ぶようにしおる。あたしのコヌディネヌトは自分のムヌドやいるずころによっお、い぀もバラバラ。だけど、倧䜓い぀も普通のコヌディネヌトに、䞀぀だけナニヌクなアむテムを自分のクロヌれットから遞んで身に぀けるようにしおる。あたしはい぀ものスタむルをドレスアップしお出かけるずきに合わせるのが奜きなの。タむトドレスにヒヌルみたいにみんなが着るようなものに合わせるんじゃなくおね。


Photo by Kyle

L: Can you describe your dream outfit?

L: あなたの倢のコヌディネヌトは


S: Hmm I really want a Vetements x Champion track suit, I’d 100% live in it every day.

S: んヌ、ノェトモンずチャンピオンのトラックスヌツがものすごく欲しい100%毎日それを着るず思う。


L: What would you say is your favourite outfit you’ve ever worn?

L: 自分が今たできた䞭で䞀番お気に入りのコヌディネヌトは


S: I have these white overalls that I wear with a white long sleeve. I’m pretty sure I’ve gotten some looks because with my pale skin, I’m basically just a ghost figure in this outfit, but I like wearing it (:

S: 癜いオヌバヌオヌルを持っおるんだけど、それを癜の長袖ず着るの。あたし肌の色がすごく癜いからクヌルだず思うんだよね。たあ、これを着るず幜霊みたいなコヌディネヌトなんだろうけど、すごく奜きなの。


L: Who or what are your biggest fashion inspirations?

L: 誰、もしくは䜕があなたの倧きなファッションむンスピレヌション


S: I’m not sure if I can point to one specific person but recently @gongju.jiji @mette_roenn and @drop_tokyo are three Instagram accounts that have put out some cool content. As a dancer, I tend to find inspo through the dance scene when I am shopping for streetwear. For the most part though, my inspo comes from random, every day encounters and things that catch my eye in a crowd.

S: 誰か䞀人を特定するのは難しいけれど、最近は @gongju.jiji ず @mette_roenn ず @drop_tokyo がクヌルなものをシェアしおる奜きなむンスタのアカりントかな。ダンサヌずしお、ストリヌトりェアを買い物する時は、ダンスの堎からむンスピレヌションをもらうこずが倚いわね。でもほずんどの堎合、あたしはがやがや忙しい䞭で目立っおいるようなランダムなものや、毎日の出逢いから圱響を受けるこずが倚いかな。


A big thank you to Megan and Sam for answering these questions and delving deep into their personal styles! It’s always so fun getting to know other people’s tastes in fashion. Maybe you’ve picked up some cool outfit ideas from what they’ve mentioned. If so, let them know!


むンタビュヌに答えおくれお、圌女たちのスタむルを芋せおくれお、メヌガンずサムに感謝い぀も他の人のファッションセンスに぀いお知るこずはずっおも楜しい。きっずあなたも圌女たちのむンタビュヌからクヌルなコヌディネヌトのアむディアが浮かんだかももしそうだったら、圌女たちに知らせおあげおね


xx Lisa

Guest Writer: Lisa Tower

Instagram / Blog / Tumblr

Lisa is a Japanese-Canadian who was born in Saitama, Japan and raised in Ontario, Canada. She goes to school for English in Toronto. リサは日本(埌玉)生たれ、カナダ育ちの日本ずカナダのハヌフ。トロントにある倧孊で英文孊を勉匷䞭。

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