have you ever felt "蛙化現象"(かえるかげんしょう)?

Hello ❁

今日は、あたしたちの読者でもあり、一度RuruがパンセクシュアリティについてインタビューをしたことのあるYunoからいただいたメールを元に、この記事をみんなにシェアしたいと思うよ :) いただいたメールはこちら!

We received an email from Yuno who had a little chat about pansexuality with Ruru on honeyhands a while ago. And here's her email.

Name: Yuno

Title: I have a question. Message: I've talked about pansexuality before with Ruru. I have a question about "Kaeruka Gensho*." I learned that when I think like "no one would love me!" I'm not being modest. I seriously think like that and that's called "Kaeruka Gensho" in Japanese. I know there are some different ways to feel "Kaeruka Gensho" but have you two ever felt "Kaeruka Gensho" that before?






4.誰かに好きになられると、『自分にはメリットがないのに!だから、この人は身体目的だ!』と思い込んでしまう。 など。原因の例えとしては、自尊心や自己肯定感の低さが問題なだけではなく、恋愛相手に性的対象としてみられることに拒否反応を起こしたりなど、人によって感じることや想うことは違い、いろいろな考え方や原因がある。

*Karuka Gensho - I couldn't find the word in English so I'll try to explain but it's a name of the feeling and the feelings can be very different with every person. For example...

1. You're struggling with self-loving because of your low self-affirmation and you even feel distrust and disgusted the idea that people can love you.

2. All of sudden, your crush starts loving you and you feel disgusted and sick that the person actually loves you back because of your self-denial. 3. Because of your low self-esteem, you feel confused why the person (whether in a relationship or not) loves you and you feel "I have to do my best" and you'll get scared of being expected.

4. When you learn someone likes you, you think "does this person just want me sexually?" because you think there's no way people will come to you because of your very low self-affirmation.

These are just a few of examples and there are more! It happens because of your low self-esteem or self-affirmation but also, you could be having Kaeruka Gensho when you're seen sexually and you feel sick and rejected

だから今日はこのかえるか現象について、YunoとRuruとHikariの経験や考えをシェアするね :)

We decided to write our opinions and experiences about this "Kaeruka Gensho."

Yuno (@bn_ordinary)


As I asked Ruru and Hikari, I'm having "Kaeruka Gensho." I know there are so many ways to feel it but I know that I'm the type of ones who have very low self-affirmation. どういう状態かと言うと、「こんな自分を好きになる人など居ない。 好きだという旨を伝えてもらっても、それはきっとドッキリか詐欺で、 気付けば騙されているやつ。」と、当然のことのように思うのです。思ったこと、ありませんか?私のこと好きだと言うこの人は大丈夫だろうか?という心配と、疑いの気持ちでいっぱいになるのです。

... which means, I always feel like "No one would love me." "Even if you tell me you love me, I think it's all lie and fraud and eventually, I'll realize that I was deceived!" Have you ever thought the same way? I almost doubt and worry about the fact that this person is actually loving me like "is this person okay?"


As I said, my "Kaeruka Gensho" happens because of my very low self-affirmation. I don't remember since when my self-affirmation got so low. I'm always shy person but I threw myself into school caste and that could be one of the reasons. I'd never being bullied but I was in a group of people who were very quiet and plain, which I shouldn't have care, when I was in school. So at the time, I got the idea of "being in a relationship" or "being in love with someone" are for someone who is bright and cheerful. I have no idea what is wrong with me but I know something is wrong. Also, I'm very gullible so I believe lies that are almost like a joke and I was told not to be tricked so I feel like that's also one of the reasons.


I really want to improve my self-affirmation but I've been like this for 19 years so I know this is not easy to change the way I think in a second. If any of you get improved or overcame with "Kaeruka Gensho" please let me know!



I'd never felt sick from being in love or in a relationship with someone but I tend to think negatively more and more when it comes to being in a relationship, like "I'm not enough" or "the person will get sick of me."


Everyone tells me that my self-affirmation is too low. When people tell me that they like me, I'm like "What? Which part do you like? Are you sure?" I'm trying not to think like that but it's true that I feel hopeless sometimes. Unfortunately, I've broken up with someone because of my paranoia and I've regretted it so next time, if I fall in love with someone, I wanna be able to talk about my paranoia and feelings.


I didn't know "Kaeruka Gensho." Lately, I've learned other words for something that I feel familiar with such as Deipnophobia (people who have a fear of eating in front of people) and Empathic Embarrassment (the uncomfortable sympathetic feeling experienced while watching someone else embarrass themselves.) Obviously, it depends on people but for me, knowing those names of my phenomenons that I've been feeling, I realized that I care too much by being categorized. So, I wanna be careful not to care the names I've learned.



Until I researched about "Kaeruka Gensho," I thought I wasn't having it because I'd never felt sick or disgusted of being loved or being in a relationship. However, I learned there are so many feelings can be called "Kaeruka Gensho." And I realized that I can be, sometimes.


When my self-esteem is normal, I don't feel like that at all but when I lose my self-confidence, I think negatively about myself (not only about love) like "why is he dating with me?" or "I need to meet people's expectation" which is not healthy at all.


And those thoughts lead me to "you're the one who's bad!" but I always try to talk to my boyfriend if I feel like that so he helps me grow from it by giving me self-esteem and self-confidence. (Sometimes, people think you should be earning your self-confidence or self-love by yourself but you can appreciatively use someone else's help in any way to push your love and confidence up even a little by little. It depends on you afterwards whether you assimilate and grow your self-love and self-confidence or not.) So, I try to find my own value within myself and accept it and love it to connect to grow my self-love and self-confidence which will help making my self-affirmation higher.


Not just being in love or in a relationship but in any kind of relationship, if there are people who love me, I wanna accept their their love with my open arms, and I wanna love them as much as they do so I wanna concentrate on finding good parts of me one by one instead of seeing and pinpointing my own bad parts which are easier to see. I know I'll struggle but trying to change the way I think is important to me to improve my self-love and self-confidence.

あなたは同じように感じたことある?あたしたちの意見や経験がそれぞれ違うように違った形で『蛙化現象』を経験している人がいるのでは?もし誰かに話したい!と思ったら、ぜひあたしたちにでも話してね :)

Have you ever felt the same way? As our thoughts, opinions and experiences are different, maybe you felt "Kaeruka Gensho" in a different way? If anyone wants to talk about it, you can always talk to us :)


Also, we'd love to know how to improve or overcome it! If any of you have experienced, please let us know! It'll be helpful for many people including us!


こちらから⇨ メール / ask.fm (Hikari / Ruru)

If you have something you wanna share with us, we're always welcome! We can talk about it like this on an article, or we can just chat on email or anywhere you'd like :)

Email us or use ask.fm (Hikari / Ruru) ✩

xx Yuno & Ruru & Hikari

Illustrations by Lola Rose