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do i have to define my sexuality?


Have you ever thought about your sexuality? "Sexuality" has a broad meaning but I am going to share my experiences and thoughts in regards to the notion of what person you are going to like.


I don’t think I’m straight. I’m not sure when I realized that, but I think it would be around the end of my time in high school. Until then, LGBT+ culture was not that popular in my world and I had never really given thought to my sexuality in the first place.I started to feel like I wanted to be freer through watching foreign movies and shows that have LGBT+ characters, along with earning more about gender and feminism. Looking back at my experiences, I noticed that I liked girls. I can’t describe it well, but I am sometimes attracted to girls since I always look for something cool in them, whether it's personality or appearance. I've had this feeling since I was in junior high school. Even when I realized that I was not straight, I didn't think that I was bisexual. I don’t know, but I felt like I ended up labelling myself into one category and it made me scared a bit.

そんなとき、Savannah Brownの”my sexuality”っていうビデオを見たの。(彼女は詩や小説を書いていて、YouTubeにもいろいろなトピックを扱ったビデオをアップしているよ。インスパイアされるものばかりだから気になった人はチェックしてみてね!)彼女は自分が男の子にも女の子にも惹かれると言いながらも、「自分のセクシュアリティについてこうだ!と決める必要はないんじゃない?」と言っていたの。私はこの考え方がすごく好き!このビデオを見て以来、今まで自分のなかで悶々としていたものが少し晴れたように感じてる。

The other day, I watched “My Sexuality”, which is a YouTube video made by Savannah Brown. (She writes poetry and novels, as well as creating a variety of different videos focusing on various topics. There is a ton of inspiring content so I highly recommend you check them out!) She mentioned how she felt like she was attracted to both boys and girls, but she said did mention that “You don’t have to define your sexuality”. After watching this video, I felt like I could escape from my narrow view of labelling myself.


I may be looking for some labels that I put on myself but I don’t feel like I need to do that. I'm just who I am and that’s fine. I stopped defining my sexuality. The gender that I’m going to like would be men, women or others and I realized that’s totally okay.


I gradually stopped thinking about my sexuality that much recently, but I sometimes feel uncomfortable when I talk to people about it. For example, when I hang out with friends from high school, we talk always talk about things like 'so-and-so' has a boyfriend or what an ideal marriage is like, things of that nature, which can be confusing for me. It is a little bit sad that what we are chatting about is based on the assumption that everyone is straight unconsciously. I am heading to university in Japan and have discussed LGBT+ with some Japanese students in English before, but I felt a bit weird because our discussion was without thinking that there might be an LGBT+ person in that table at that time; what we discussed was based on the assumption that everyone was straight.


I’m not going to come out to others, but I sometimes feel uncomfortable because everyone always considers me straight unless I say anything otherwise. Although the word ‘LGBT’ is becoming well known (internationally), many people might tend to think that they are different from LGBT people unconsciously by categorizing such people. There are a lot of people who don’t think that they are straight like me and everyone thinks about their sexualities differently. I hope that such an idea will spread around society. I think more people can be free and live without much stress if coming out isn't made into a big thing, if you know what I mean.


If someone has complex feelings about their sexuality like me, I want to say “It is totally okay.”

English Edited by Lisa

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