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platonic vs true sense of love

プラトニック・ラブ vs 本物の愛

When I was young, I went to kindergarten and wore a heart shaped metal ring on my middle finger, showing it to everyone and saying out loud it was for this cute boy I liked. A marriage promise and a proposal – god, how cheesy! Of course now, many years forward it’s funny – and cringy – to picture me, who doesn't like the idea of getting married not even a little bit, doing something like this. That could be considered the earliest outburst of romance I had, but I am not romantic in the stereotypical sense that I would prepare a table with a red cloth and shiny champagne flutes, some jazz music, decorating and creating ambience with candles and rose petals for my partner; more in the sense that I will always value feelings and atmospheres the most.


Throughout the years, I have had crushes on many people, each of them very different from the other and totally unaware of me. You see, my lovers never knew about my feelings for them, especially because most of the time I was not even close to these people. So the whole thing was a secret, a personal pleasure and a form of despair, a shiny and passionate daydream, never fulfilled, never declared openly. In my mind, they all loved me but they didn’t have the courage to say it. Of course this was hope rather than fact, as nothing ever came out of these crushes. But I love to love, even just for the sake of it, and I like to spend time wondering what texture their skin near the belly button is or what their opinion on astrology is.


Even though I don’t fall in love with everyone by default, I do like people very easily, and it could be because of my fascination with human beings as a concept.


I spent all my teenage years thinking that this mix of feelings towards someone could be considered love, and it is, until a certain degree, though it’s platonic only. If I am romantic it’s probably because I have always loved books and the descriptions of intense passions, emotions and feelings they deliver. I therefore like to create my own stories, my own desires, my own streams of consciousness in the absolute state of love.

I guess in my dreams I can be the lover I would like to be.



When the time came and I found myself sharing a true and powerful feeling with someone in the real world and not only in my mind, well, the whole thing got a very different appearance.


It often involves a lot more work, a lot more emotions, a lot more energy and mental trouble. I learned what missing the physical presence of someone really means, which is incredibly different from just desire. I saw how difficult it is to be two pieces of a puzzle and be humble enough to soften each other’s edges so you can fit together. I realized that not everything just ‘flows’, but it actually involves effort and a proactive approach. Things are a lot more dynamic and confused.


I reckon it’s because you are two different individuals, with a different background, story, family, experience, baggage and so on, so you have different priorities and wills, different abilities and dreams. It made me question if there really can be a soulmate for everyone of us, or if instead it’s just about being a complete person in yourself first. All the shit comes out: all the trauma, the hurt, the hidden fears. It’s very easy to project onto the other person all your personal struggles, and giving them fault for it.


Platonic lovers cannot work like this because they come out of you only: you set your rules, you decide things, all in the space of your head. But is it as satisfying as tuning yourself to someone to create pure comfort and vulnerability between each other? It’s each one’s path and choice and the truth is that not anytime is the right time for two people to be together. I would say it’s about growing up and sacrifice, lots of tears, but also seeing that light on the horizon, that you know it’s there for you not only to grab out of greed or need to be loved, but to reach through growth and evolution.


Japanese translation by Hikari

Illustrations by Lola Rose

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