platonic vs true sense of love

プラトニック・ラブ vs 本物の愛

When I was young, I went to kindergarten and wore a heart shaped metal ring on my middle finger, showing it to everyone and saying out loud it was for this cute boy I liked. A marriage promise and a proposal – god, how cheesy! Of course now, many years forward it’s funny – and cringy – to picture me, who doesn't like the idea of getting married not even a little bit, doing something like this. That could be considered the earliest outburst of romance I had, but I am not romantic in the stereotypical sense that I would prepare a table with a red cloth and shiny champagne flutes, some jazz music, decorating and creating ambience with candles and rose petals for my partner; more in the sense that I will always value feelings and atmospheres the most.


Throughout the years, I have had crushes on many people, each of them very different from the other and totally unaware of me. You see, my lovers never knew about my feelings for them, especially because most of the time I was not even close to these people. So the whole thing was a secret, a personal pleasure and a form of despair, a shiny and passionate daydream, never fulfilled, never declared openly. In my mind, they all loved me but they didn’t have the courage to say it. Of course this was hope rather than fact, as nothing ever came out of these crushes. But I love to love, even just for the sake of it, and I like to spend time wondering what texture their skin near the belly button is or what their opinion on astrology is.