fearing art


Until some time ago, if you had asked me to describe myself I would have replied that I was a creative person. I had always liked art. I had always wanted to make art, I had just been waiting to find a way to do it, a way to create. Lately however, I’ve been wondering if my intentions are enough. I’ve been wondering why I’ve been so hesitant to create something. What does it really mean to be a creative person? Is there a specific way to be an artist? Can you learn how to be creative? Such questions have been flooding my mind.


As a child I had a lot of interests, but I didn’t excel at anything in particular, I never stood out because of a special ability. I started ballet when I was six years old and got bored soon: the tutus were far too uncomfortable and the teachers were way too mean. It took me years to finally be curious enough to start a new after-school activity. In the meantime, my parents never pushed me to learn how to play an instrument nor pursue art classes, like drawing or theatre. I never really had a hobby to cultivate during my leisure time, something that would make me practice my abilities. Because of this, I think I never truly learned how much effort it takes in order to be good at something; that it takes failure to fulfil any intention, desire or that it’s ok not to be good at something when you first start. Most importantly, that it’s worth to do something just because it makes us feel good.


Growing up I started looking for that something.