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growing up, forgetting amazement


Hi everyone! Today I would like to share with you my thoughts about growing up and what it means for me.


These thoughts arose since I recently came back from my summer holiday in South Italy. I spent many of my childhood summers in a small village by the sea there, where part of my family is from. It’s a place that has a piece of my heart. Everything smells like home, the colors are incredibly bright and warm – it makes me feel connected with my roots and grounded overall. For me, going there is like going to a safe place where nothing bad can happen. It’s always an opportunity to nourish myself both spiritually and physically. And that is what I did this year as well.


Spending two weeks there made me think more about myself. While sitting on the porch of my grandma’s old house, and listening to a melody from a couple buildings down the road, just enjoying the windy and sunny days – it all felt ‘real’, and I realized I hadn’t perceived such a deep connection within myself and my surroundings in a while.


During these strong emotional moments, I realized how it is getting harder for me to enjoy everything like I used to. I think the main reason this is happening is that I am simply growing up. The more the years go by, the more whatever unexpected event (which could even be having to pay four euros for parking) gets in the way of my good mood and have the power to get me overly frustrated. I then tend to be so disconnected with the environments surrounding me as a result.


Basically, I am evolving into a full force adult who has no time to gaze around and think. I feel like when you grow up, your mind stops wandering to whatever place it wants to go and you feel pressured to be focused all the time, in case there is some problem to fix. At least that’s what it feels to me to be responsible as an adult – for example even just money budgeting, it is often stress. I don’t like it. Whenever I have these moments where I realize that I feel like this because I am growing up, I tend to become melancholic because I remember distinctly how it feels to be carefree, enjoy the sun, the good food, the salty water of the sea, spending time with my loved ones. But I am very sure it is possible to feel this way even when you’re older, even when you have ‘stuff to do’.


I have this longing for this long lost feeling I am only able to feel once in a while nowadays. Sometimes it comes back to the surface and I see myself as I was, with my eyes full of amazement and excitement for every landscape, every dish on the table, every beach I put my bare feet on, every new face I encounter on my journey. And in those moments, I remember I can actually go back to my own self, the deepest one, the one I forget is still inside me, the one that feels like the most genuine and my true core.


The more I grow up, the more I perceive it is more and more difficult to go back to how I was. Not that change is bad, don’t get me wrong. I’ve always thought that evolving is so beneficial for the individual – only with age everything kind of turns more rigid and less fluid, so it’s more and more difficult to adapt to new ways of thinking and perceiving.


I am seeing this happening here and there, and I always try to keep myself up and make myself cultivate those parts of me (usually the creative ones) that were my main form of expression when I was a kid. Playing as a kid involves lots of imagination and creativity. In this sense, I don't think adults ‘play’. I have realized how important it is to play and keep playing like a kid because if you don’t, you lose that elasticity of the brain to create new scenarios and even simply daydream.


Images by Marvi

Edited by Kiara and Hikari

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