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seeking "pleasurable sex"



Nobody ever told me about “good sex”. Until a few years ago, I thought that I was someone who didn’t get pleasure from sex. Maybe I was just doing it because I was worried that my partner would be disappointed. I wish I knew how I could have sex in a painless, healthy, satisfying, and enjoyable way.


Do you talk with your friends about sex? For myself, I didn’t ever talk about anything sexual with my friends until recently. After I got into grad school, I made new friends that were open to those kinds of topics, and we started to talk about our erogenous zones, favourite positions, and shop for sex toys together.


From learning about feminism, I started to think that it is important for women to be the ones to sexually desire instead of being the subject of sexual desire. I’m still thinking about how to put this into practice.


There were things my friends and I would realize from talking to each other, and I’d like to share three of those realizations today. The first is that there weren’t many opportunities to learn about our own bodies. There are places that you can’t see, and you can’t directly see how it is shaped. In the university I am attending, I heard that there used to be a gender studies class where students were assigned homework where they were to look at their own genitals using a mirror and draw it. It made me think about how important it is to know about the parts of my body that I can’t see. Things you can’t see can naturally, give you a sense of fear.


The second thing we realized is about erogenous zones. I think I’ve lived never having explored my body and figuring out where it feels good to be touched. I used to think that women’s erogenous zones were mainly in the breasts and genitals, but I discovered that the whole body can be an erogenous zone depending on your mental state and how you touch the areas. I think that other than the breasts or genitals, fingers, armpits, the neck, inside the ear, behind the elbow and knees, hips, tailbone, and toes are also especially sensitive! What is it for you?


*オーガズム = 性的快感の最高潮の状態。

The third thing we realized is about orgasms. Before, I didn’t really understand why people used sex toys. Sex toys are expensive, and I wondered why some people would use a tool. In Korea where I live, sex toy shops are popping up a lot recently. In a shop I visited, the staff members were almost all women, and I really liked that they explained the toys from a woman’s perspective. A few of my friends really recommend the Womanizer, and I think it would be really great for people who have never orgasmed before too. Within the womanizer series, the more expensive ones cost around ¥20,000 - ¥30,000, but people who have actually used it say that that price feels inexpensive for what it offers. I really want to get one as soon as I am able to afford it! Also, I recommend finger condoms?? for people who have particularly sensitive vaginas that are susceptible to infections.


Sex toys aren’t just for someone to use alone -- it can be used during sex with others, and I think it can be a nice change. Also, since a relaxed mental state is necessary for reaching orgasm, …. I also hope that the idea that sex toys are something you use because your partner can’t satisfy you is replaced by the idea that they are something that you can have fun with together.


When women talk about sex, it is still often thought of as “unclassy” or “slutty”. I’d like to create an environment where women can openly discuss sex. There aren’t many places where women can learn more about healthy, enjoyable sex, and I think there should be more focus on women’s pleasure. I hope that sex is no longer thought of as something to please men, and is instead thought of as something where women can actively seek pleasure and all parties can have fun! Do you talk openly about sex?

More to read:

honeyhands - "japanese sex toy reviews"

VICE - "How to Tell If Your Sex Toy Is Toxic"

COSMOPOLITAN JAPAN - 『どれを選ぶべき?大人のオモチャにまつわる8つの疑問

COSMOPOLITAN UK - "8 questions to ask before buying a sex toy"

Images by Yurina and Yumi

Illustration by @vulva.series

Edited by Kiara and Hikari

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