the effects of stress on my body
ストレスが私の体に及ぼす影響
私はストレスと向き合うのがすごく苦手だと思う。学生時代はあまりストレスを感じているな、と思ったことはなかった。だけど、社会人になって膣カンジダ病*になってから、些細なことでもストレスをすごく感じやすくなったし、ストレスを感じているという危険信号が体にはっきりと出るようになった。それが先月のこと。
* 膣カンジダ = 腟の中にいるカンジダ菌が増殖し、おりもの・かゆみ等の不快な症状をおこす病気のこと。疲れやストレスなど抵抗力が落ちることで発症する。また、再発を繰り返しやすい疾病としても知られている。
I think I'm really bad at dealing with stress. Maybe it's because I rarely feel stressed, but I often don't realize it when I feel stressed. When I was a student, I never felt like I was stressed out too much. However, when I started working and got a vaginal yeast infection, I became very stressed about even the smallest of things, and the symptoms began to manifest themselves clearly in my body. It was only last month that it became apparent.
コロナの影響で日本全国に緊急事態宣言が出されてから、私の地元愛媛にも変化が表れた。多くの飲食店はテイクアウトをはじめ、学校は休校、私が大学時代にアルバイトしていたスポーツクラブも休館。マスクや消毒液、除菌シート、手洗い洗剤等は品薄で、普段とは違う状況にすごく異様な雰囲気を感じた。とともに、恐怖心さえも感じた。若いからといって油断してはいけない。無症状なだけで、本当はもう感染しているのかもしれない。となると、知らないうちに他の人を感染させているのかもしれない。いつ自分の身に降りかかってきてもおかしくない恐怖におびえながら生活することに、少しずつストレスを感じていたのだと思う。
After a state of emergency was declared throughout Japan due to the effects of the coronavirus, a change was evident in my hometown, Ehime. Many restaurants started offering take-out, schools were closed, the sports club where I worked part-time in college was closed, and masks, disinfectant, sanitizer sheets, hand washing detergent, etc. were in short supply. I also felt a sense of fear of not letting my guard down just because I'm young. It's asymptomatic, but it could be that I'm really infected already. If so, I may be infecting other people without knowing it. I think it was stressing me out a little at the time, living in fear of what could happen to me at any moment.
そんな中、私の仕事もリモートになり、会社のノートパソコンを持って帰って家で仕事をする日々が始まった。平日は、家から一歩も出ない生活。休日は、少しドライブ程度の息抜き。外に出ない分、私の感染するリスクは低くなって少し不安が和らいだ。でもそんな中、仕事で初めて私が一人で担当する大きな案件が2件入ってきた。慣れないリモートの中で、どんな風に進めていけばいいのか分からずに悩み、先輩に直接会って質問できないもどかしさを感じ、実力不足の自分に腹が立ち、落ち込む毎日が続いた。多分こんな風に日常の変化だけでなく、仕事面でもストレスが溜まってきていたのだと思う。
At that time, the company I work for also implemented work from home, and I began to take my laptop home to work. On weekdays, I never stepped out of the house. On weekends, I would go on a little drive to take a break. The risk of infection was lowered because I didn’t go outside, so I felt a little better. At that time, I got two big projects for the first time to be in charge of on my own, and I didn't know how to proceed with them in a remote environment which I was not used to. So I felt frustrated that I couldn't ask questions to my seniors face-to-face, and I was angry at myself for my lack of ability, so I spent every day depressed. I think that even work-wise I was probably getting stressed out.
そんなある日、4月の生理がきていないことに気が付いた。私は毎月、生理をアプリで記録しているんだけど、4月は血とは程遠い茶色の織物が3日間程度続いただけだった。私は1日目からしっかりと出血するから、これは多分生理前出血みたいなものだろうと思っていた。でもその謎の織物の後も、一向に生理がくる気配を感じず、もしかして妊娠かも…と思い、初めて妊娠検査薬を試した。結果は陰性。では、なんで生理がこないのだろう…。こんなに生理がずれていることに不安を感じ、産婦人科へ行くことを決めた。
Then one day I realized that I hadn't gotten my period in April. (I keep track of my periods every month on an app.) In fact, the brown vaginal discharge only lasted about three days. But it's a color that's far from blood, and I usually bleed since day one when I get my period, so I figured this was probably some kind of pre-menstrual bleeding. However, even after the mysterious vaginal discharge, I didn't feel like I was getting my period. So I tried the pregnancy test for the first time, thinking I might be pregnant. The result came out negative. So I wondered, “why am I not getting my period...?” I decided to go to the OB/GYN because I was worried that my period was delayed like this.
先生に状況を伝えて内診をしてもらうと、排卵もしっかりできているし、正式に妊娠していないことも分かった。診察結果としては、卵巣が少し腫れているとのことで経過観察が必要だと言われた。ただ、これは機能性嚢胞（のうほう）といって、排卵に伴って一時的に卵巣が腫れるもので、時間が経てば退いてなくなるもの。だからそこまで心配する必要はなくて安心した。そして膣カンジダの症状も見られたため、膣錠を入れてもらった。カンジダは、昨年初めて発症してから今回で3回目だけど、今回はかゆみ等の自覚症状がなかったから自分でも全く気が付かなかった。「カンジダはストレスで発症したのだと思うから、生理もそれが原因で遅れているのかもしれないね」と先生から言われて、大きな病気ではなかったことにホッとした。
When I told the doctor about the situation and had an internal examination, I found out that I was ovulating well and not pregnant. From the result of the examination, I was told that my ovaries were a little swollen and that I would need to be monitored (this is called a functional cyst, which is a temporary swelling of the ovaries during ovulation. This swelling is physiological and will go away in time. I also showed symptoms of yeast infection, so I was provided a vaginal tablet. This is the third time I've had a yeast infection since I first got it last year, but this time I didn't notice it at all because I didn't have any symptoms such as itching. The doctor said, "I think the yeast infection is caused by stress, so your period may be delayed because of it as well." I was relieved that it wasn't a major illness.
ただ、自分では気が付かないところでストレスを溜め込んでしまっていることを知って、体に現れるまで放っておいた自分に少し反省もした。今思えば、「あれがストレスの原因だったのか」とか、そう感じた場面はたくさんあるわけで、もう少し早く気が付いて何らかの対応ができていたら、病院に行く必要もなかったのかもしれないな、と思う。例えば、体を動かすとか、本を読むとか、料理をするとか、いつもより多く睡眠を取るとか、そういった自分に合ったセルフケアを見つけて実践していたら、少しは違ったのかもしれない。まだまだ外出できない日々や自由がきかない毎日が続いたりして、以前よりもストレスが溜まりやすい日々だけど、自分の体のことは自分にしか分からないから、しっかり自分の心や体の声を聞いて、少しの変化でも早く気が付いてあげたいなって思うよ。
However, knowing that I had been accumulating stress in places I didn't even realize, I felt a little remorse for letting it continue and get to a place where it started to appear in my body. Looking back now, there were many occasions and red flags that hinted that there were signs of stress. If I had noticed it a little earlier and been able to deal with it in some way, I might not have needed to go to the hospital. If I did some self-care that worked for me, such as moving my body, reading, cooking or getting more sleep than usual, it might have made a little bit of a difference. I'm still more stressed than before because I can't go out and I don't have the freedom that I used to. But only I understand my body, so I listen closely to my heart and what my body has to say, and I hope, in the near future, to notice even the slightest change in my body as soon as possible so I can take care of myself.
Images by Mio
English Edited by Hanayo