• rio

is it "normal" to fall in love?

恋することは「自然なこと」?

大好きだった少女漫画やドラマを観て、恋をしたり恋人ができることは「自然なこと」だと思っていた。友達との何気ない会話で恋人や恋愛経験の話になるたびに、恋人がいたことのない自分を恥ずかしく思っていたし、「私っておかしいのかな」と思うこともあった。だけどジェンダー学を通して「恋愛的指向」という言葉を知った時に、全ての人が同じ「好き」の感情を抱く訳ではないと、私の「恋愛」に対する考えの世界が広がった。今回は、そんな私の経験をシェアするね。

I believed that it was natural for us to be in love with someone by reading Japanese romance comics and watching romantic Japanese drama series. When I talked with my friends about dating or relationships, I was always embarrassed about myself never having a partner, and I sometimes thought there was something wrong with me. However, when I started to study gender studies, I came across a word, “Romantic Orientation.” And it taught me that not everyone feels exactly the same feelings when they are in love with someone, and it also made my perspective about love expand. I will talk about this experience and story today.

初めて人を好きになったのは、高校2年生の時だと思う。アルバイト先の一つ上の先輩で、私たちはよく話す仲だった。友達数人と一緒に遊びに行くこともあったし、バレンタインデーに初めてチョコレートをあげた相手でもあった。結局、知らないうちに彼には彼女ができていて、私は「失恋」を経験した。失恋した私はもっと悲しむと思っていたけれど、彼と話せる機会が減ることに対しての寂しさがあっただけで、あまり傷つくことも悲しむこともなかった。私は彼を好きだと思っていたけれど、それは「彼と話すことが楽しいからもっと話してみたいな」という感覚で、「付き合いたい」という願望には結びついていなかった。

I think my first time when I felt attracted to a boy was when I was 17 years old. He was one year older than me and we worked at the same store. I think we were getting along well, and we sometimes hung out with some other friends. He was the person who I gave chocolates to on Valentine’s Day for the first time. In Japan, girls give boys gifts for Valentine’s Day, opposite to what is typical in Western cultures. In the end, he started dating a girl, and I experienced “heartbreak.” But honestly, I was not suffering from it. I thought I would suffer from the heartbreak, but I just felt sad because we did not talk as much as we did before. I think I was attracted to him, but I just wanted to talk to him because I really enjoyed talking to him. It did not mean that I necessarily wanted to date him.