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  • haru

perfect to me


「完璧な自分」とは、どんなものなのか。自分の将来を考えるようになって、よく頭にこの言葉が浮かぶ。どんな自分になりたいのか、どんな自分が居心地がいいのか。日を重ねるごとにそれは進化していくし、自分についての理解も深まってきたと感じる。そんな自分の気持ちにとてもフィットする曲、Anne-Marie の『Perfect to me』を聴いて感じたことや共感したことを、歌詞と共にシェアしようと思う。

What does perfect mean to me? As I began to think about my future, this question comes to my mind often. What kind of person do I want to be? What kind of me do I feel comfortable with? As days pass by, the idea of perfection changes and I’m getting a deeper understanding of myself. I would like to share my thoughts on a song called “Perfect To Me” by Anne-Marie and its lyrics, which fits my feeling very well.

シェアしたい1つ目の歌詞は、「I’m okay with not being perfect ‘Cause that’s perfect to me(完璧じゃなくていい、それが自分にとって完璧だから)」。


The first lyrics I would like to share is “I’m okay with not being perfect ‘Cause that’s perfect to me”. When I was a teenager, I thought pretty thin models from magazines were perfect, so I was obsessed with dieting and repeatedly feeling superior or depressed by comparing myself with others. I used to tell myself that I was perfect if I could maintain an ideal weight and fit into skinny clothes. When I had acne, I would hide it with face masks and I would get grumpy because I wasn’t satisfied with my looks. I was stressed out for not being the pretty, skinny, perfect me. I was living a life not for myself, but for strangers who would approve of me and say I’m cute and fit. Eventually, the idea of perfection changed after I graduated from high school. One of the likely reasons for that is I have been watching more movies. From my third year at high school I’d started to watch a lot of movies, from human dramas to love stories, and have learned about new worlds and ways of thinking that I didn’t know before. By thinking about it and talking with my friends, I gradually come to understand the meaning of diversity in society, including what it means to me. Since I started to accept my “insecurities” as “uniqueness”, I can accept myself even if I have acne, or gain weight, as long as I can dress how I want and be comfortable with who I am. I learned that it is much easier to live physically and mentally when I am facing and accepting myself for who I am, than when I am trying to get someone’s approval. I’m not obsessed with dieting or trying to hide my insecurities any more. Instead of wondering what is perfect, I can now accept myself for who I am. This song reconfirmed that not being perfect is what is perfect to me.

2つ目の歌詞は「Maybe I bite my nails and don’t think before I speak(爪も噛んじゃうし、考えずに物を言ってしまうことだってある)」。


The second set of lyrics I want to share is “Maybe I bite my nails and don’t think before I speak”.

Nothing particular happened, but as I get older, I realise that it’s important not to blame myself or someone else for failing at something, and not to be obsessed about it. I often feel I am off the ground; optimistic in a good way, thoughtless in a bad way. So many times I have worried others or irritated them and regretted it, thinking “I should’ve been more careful.” I want to make sure that I understand what bothered others or made me feel it was a failure, and not to make the same mistakes again. We can’t undo what we’ve done, so it’s important to be responsible for treating others and myself, and switch gears to move forward. I believe that we all make mistakes, but the most important thing is not to dwell on the mistakes. Instead, we can take that failure as experience. The lyrics fit well with that feeling.

最後にシェアしたい歌詞は、この曲のアコースティック・バージョンにしかない「Remember if you wanna you can go home(もし家に帰りたかったら帰れるんだよ)」と「Time for your life to be yours(あなたがあなたらしく生きる時だよ)」。


The last lyrics I want to share are from the acoustic version of this song, “Remember if you wanna you can go home” and “Time for your life to be yours”.

You can take these lyrics as it says, but to me, it sounded like a message saying that it’s okay to be wherever you want to be and are able to be comfortable, without any pressure. I was a student who would take a long time to get used to being in a new environment. When I was a teenager, everytime I started a semester with a new class, I felt pressure like “I need to get used to this class quickly. This is where I belong now” and it was hard to try to fit in without feeling uncomfortable. In the club activities or even in the class, I thought I needed to be a part of some close group, and sometimes I just agreed with things I didn't want to. In the third year of high school, I talked about how I felt to my mother and friends, and they told me that “you don’t need to force yourself to fit in. You might feel like your school relationships are everything right now, but the world is your oyster. It’s all up to you to decide who you want to hang out with or what to do with your life.” This advice made me feel better and since then, I stopped forcing myself to fit in.


It’s all up to me when it comes to where and how to live my life, and there’s no need to force myself. Sometimes I try new things or leave my comfort zone, but there is no need to keep trying if that is something too hard or uncomfortable. I want to make my happiness and comfort top priorities. Of course, there are times in life where you have to stay in tough situations. I believe it doesn't mean that you are not being honest to yourself, because sometimes you just have to overcome challenges and grow up as a human. After 22 years of living, I learned that life is not only about what we want to do or what we enjoy, but also about finding happiness from stepping up and trying your best. It might sound a little contradictory, but I feel that the balance between two choices, the ones I make and the others that inevitably happen, make my life deeper and more meaningful.


My life and its duration are mine, so I want to make a decision on how and whom I spend it with, and I want to use it for my own happiness. I want to build my own life. That’s why I don’t want to live my life worrying about what others think, or hiding my true feelings. I don’t expect everything to go my way, and I’ve had some failures before and I am sure I will have more in the future. But I believe that I won’t regret it if I am making choices for myself and I could learn from my mistakes; maybe take a little break and move on. I don’t think I live or have lived alone. I am who I am today thanks to my family, friends, lovers, teachers, everyone around me, and I don’t want to forget how grateful I am. I will continue to take good care of myself and keep believing in myself, not only for me but for those who care about me.

Images by Haru

English Translated by Yayoi

English Edited by Karin

Edited by Hikari Sawada and Hikari

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