Hello people,
Here is the very first article of my 'Who am I' series, in which I (ruru) interview and take photos of people who have multicultural backgrounds such as mixed race or born and raised in different countries.
The first person for this series that I interviewed was one of my friends, Angela.
Here is her story.
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1, Please introduce yourself.Â
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My name is Angela, I was born in Poland in a very small town in the Silesia region 24 years ago. My parents moved to the UK when I was 11 years old, and I joined them a few months later after living with my grandma.
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2, Do you remember when you moved to LondonïŒWhat did you feel before you moved and after you actually moved thereïŒ
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My family wasnât rich so although we always had food on the table, I didnât get to do things my friends would boast about so I often felt alienated. Finding out my dad got a job in London and we were to follow soon was extremely cool to me, it was going to be my first ever proper time abroad, my first big holiday that Iâve been dreaming of so I felt excited. I was later filled with anxiety over not being able to communicate with other people, but being a child at the time - I didnât let it get to me too much. I missed my friends after moving but all of those connections faded out as I got on with my new life.
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3, Was it hard for you to get used to the UKïŒ
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I think because I was so young I adapted extremely quickly to my surroundings and the general feel of the place. It was definitely different. Before I came over, the idea I had in my head for how it was going to be was entirely different to what it actually turned out to be.
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4, Was there anything hard about going into a new environmentïŒ Such as a different language or making friends?
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The language barrier was the scariest part. Although I studied English at school as well as privately before moving, I was finding it hard to speak out. Any bilingual can probably relate when I say that social situations give the most anxiety. In class I was filled with worry over being called out and not knowing how to properly convey myself and everyone laughing at me. I often felt inadequate and stupid, I knew so many of the things that were being taught in class and I wanted to contribute, but my anxiety always took over. I really wanted to show I knew the answers and I had the knowledge, but I just couldnât. Amongst friends and classmates I was frightened of talking because I didn't want anyone to make fun of my accent. I did make friends and Iâve met some wonderful kids that werenât like âthe restâ but children are generally the cruelest of all. They donât understand the kind of impact their words may carry, so I was often questioning whether my friends were really my friends or were they just faking it and being nice and helpful to the foreigner.
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5, Recently, you went back to Poland for the first time in 10 years, how was itïŒ
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Last month I went back to Poland for a measly 4 days after over 10 years of not having had visited. Iâve been meaning to go back for years, but somehow something always got in the way. Sad circumstances have forced me to go, however Iâm glad they did. For the past year Iâve been getting strange flashbacks of my childhood - visions of random walks to the park, eating dinner at my grandmas house and chasing after my dog which made me feel like I really did not know where I belong. As a teenager going back seemed like the worst nightmare, I never had any desire to visit and now I had this strong urge to go back to those exact places, I missed them so much! It was the strangest thing and It made me so confused.
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6,Which country do you feel close to nowïŒ
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Iâm still very much conflicted in regards to this. Itâs weird, after visiting Poland I want to embrace my roots, but at the same time I grew up in England and Iâve got so much to thank both countries for. Â
People are shocked when I tell them Iâm Polish and follow it up with âoh youâre basically Englishâ. Saying that isnât true though and I donât feel comfortable ever saying that. Iâd probably call myself a Londoner if anything. Either way, I think being a bilingual person moving from the place of your birth and growing up in another country is both a wonderful thing and a curse. Having experience of different countries from an early age makes you more open to various cultures and your thought process is bound to be more abstract and enriched than that of a monolingual person. At the same time, somewhere along the way you will start questioning who you really are and where it is that you truly belong.
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7,Do you want to go back to Poland againïŒ
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I want to go more often to visit my grandparents and spend holidays there reminiscing about the past. Although weâve faced many hardships while we were there, Iâd like to remember the good parts and not tarnish my fond memories of my childhood with living out my adulthood there. My goal is to carry on with my linguistics and Japanese degree and eventually move to Japan instead.
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Thank you so much to Angela for helping me out and sharing her story with us x
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Angela
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instagram : @seppukutime
blog : ãŽã女ã®å
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