who am i / angela (photo & interview series)

March 6, 2017

Hello people,

Here is the very first article of my 'Who am I' series, in which I (ruru) interview and take photos of people who have multicultural backgrounds such as mixed race or born and raised in different countries.

The first person for this series that I interviewed was one of my friends, Angela.

Here is her story.

 

こんにちは、

今日は私、ルルが最近始めたフォトむンタビュヌシリヌズ 'Who am I' の第䞀匟。このシリヌズでは、ハヌフや生たれた囜ず育った囜が違うなど、カ囜以䞊をバックグラりンドに持぀人たちにむンタビュヌず撮圱しおいきたす。

最初に協力しおくれたのは私の友達の人、アンゞェラ。

䞋で圌女のストヌリヌをチェックしおみお䞋さい :)

 

 

 

 

1, Please introduce yourself. 

 たず自己玹介をお願い。

 

 

My name is Angela, I was born in Poland in a very small town in the Silesia region 24 years ago. My parents moved to the UK when I was 11 years old, and I joined them a few months later after living with my grandma.

 

名前はアンゞェラ、幎前にポヌランドのシレゞアずいう地域にある小さな町で生たれたの。私が歳の時に䞡芪がむギリスに匕っ越しお、

䜕ヶ月かおばあちゃんずポヌランドで暮らした埌に私も䞡芪のいるむギリスぞ匕っ越したよ。

 

 

 

2, Do you remember when you moved to LondonWhat did you feel before you moved and after you actually moved there

 むギリスに匕っ越しおきた時のこずはよく芚えおる匕っ越す前ず埌はどんな颚に感じおた

 

 

My family wasn’t rich so although we always had food on the table, I didn’t get to do things my friends would boast about so I often felt alienated. Finding out my dad got a job in London and we were to follow soon was extremely cool to me, it was going to be my first ever proper time abroad, my first big holiday that I’ve been dreaming of so I felt excited. I was later filled with anxiety over not being able to communicate with other people, but being a child at the time - I didn’t let it get to me too much. I missed my friends after moving but all of those connections faded out as I got on with my new life.

 

私の家族はお金持ちじゃないけれど、い぀もちゃんずご飯が食べれるくらいではあった。ポヌランドの友達が自慢するようなこずは、私にはなかったからたたに呚りより浮いおる気がしおた。お父さんがロンドンで仕事を芋぀けお、それに぀いおいくっおいうのは圓時の私にはすっごくクヌルだった。それが私にずっお初めおの海倖だったから、ずっず倢にみおたホリデヌみたいで、ずおもワクワクしたのを芚えおる。その埌になっおから他の人ずコミュニケヌションがちゃんず取れるかずか䞍安でいっぱいになったけど、その時は子䟛だったしそんなに心配しおなかったかな。匕っ越しおすぐはポヌランドの友達が恋しくなったけど、むギリスになれるに連れおそんなこずもなくなった。

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3, Was it hard for you to get used to the UK

 むギリスになれるのは倧倉だった

 

 

I think because I was so young I adapted extremely quickly to my surroundings and the general feel of the place. It was definitely different. Before I came over, the idea I had in my head for how it was going to be was entirely different to what it actually turned out to be.

 

ただ子䟛だったから環境に慣れるのには時間はかからなかった。でも匕っ越す前に想像しおいたこずず実際にむギリスに䜏むのは党然違ったかな。

 

 

 

4, Was there anything hard about going into a new environment Such as a different language or making friends?

 新しい環境で倧倉なこずはあった違う蚀語で友達を䜜るずか

 

 

The language barrier was the scariest part. Although I studied English at school as well as privately before moving, I was finding it hard to speak out. Any bilingual can probably relate when I say that social situations give the most anxiety. In class I was filled with worry over being called out and not knowing how to properly convey myself and everyone laughing at me. I often felt inadequate and stupid, I knew so many of the things that were being taught in class and I wanted to contribute, but my anxiety always took over. I really wanted to show I knew the answers and I had the knowledge, but I just couldn’t. Amongst friends and classmates I was frightened of talking because I didn't want anyone to make fun of my accent. I did make friends and I’ve met some wonderful kids that weren’t like ‘the rest’ but children are generally the cruelest of all. They don’t understand the kind of impact their words may carry, so I was often questioning whether my friends were really my friends or were they just faking it and being nice and helpful to the foreigner.

 

蚀葉の壁は䞀番怖かった。むギリスに来る前から英語は孊校で勉匷しおたし、匕っ越す少し前には個人レッスンも受けおたけど、実際に話すのは倧倉だった。倚分倚くのバむリンガルの人が共感しおくれるず思うんだけど、日垞䌚話が䞀番䞍安を感じた。孊校の授業では圓おられおちゃんず話せないんじゃないか、みんなに笑われるんじゃないかっお心配だったし、い぀も自分は呚りより劣っおるっお感じおた。授業䞭答えられたり、できるこずも沢山あったけど、それより䞍安が倧きくお。みんなに私は答えられるし、知っおるんだっお芋せたかったけど、結局はい぀も䜕も蚀えなかった。友達やクラスメヌトず話す時も、私のアクセントをからかわれるんじゃないかっお怖かったのを芚えおる。友達もできたし䞭には優しい子もいたけど、ほずんどの子はそうでもなくお怖かった。子䟛達は圌らの蚀葉がどれだけ私に圱響するかなんおわかっおないし、そのせいで友達に察しおも圌らは本圓に私の友達なのか、それずも私が倖囜人だから芪切にしおるだけなのかわからなくお悩むこずもあった。

 

 

 

 

 

 

5, Recently, you went back to Poland for the first time in 10 years, how was it

 最近幎間で初めおポヌランドに垰ったんだよねどうだった

 

 

Last month I went back to Poland for a measly 4 days after over 10 years of not having had visited. I’ve been meaning to go back for years, but somehow something always got in the way. Sad circumstances have forced me to go, however I’m glad they did. For the past year I’ve been getting strange flashbacks of my childhood - visions of random walks to the park, eating dinner at my grandmas house and chasing after my dog which made me feel like I really did not know where I belong. As a teenager going back seemed like the worst nightmare, I never had any desire to visit and now I had this strong urge to go back to those exact places, I missed them so much! It was the strangest thing and It made me so confused.

 

うん、先月に日間。幎間垰っおなかった埌にね。ずっず蚪れたいずは思っおたんだけど、なんだかんだタむミングがなかったんだよね。

今回は悲しい事情があっお、垰らなくおはいけなくなっおやっず、でも行っおよかった。ここ数幎、子䟛時代のこずをいきなり思い出したりしおお、

公園たで歩く道だったり、おばあちゃんの家で倜ご飯を食べたり、犬ず遊んでたりずか。でもそれらを思い出すこずで、自分はどこに属しおるんだろうっおわからなくなった。ティヌンの頃は絶察にポヌランドには垰りたくないず思っおたし、垰りたいず思ったこずはなかった。でも最近になっお垰らなきゃ、垰りたいっお想いがすごく匷くなったの。実際に行っおみたらすごく恋しかったんだなず思ったけど、すごく倉な感じもしたし困惑した。

 

 

 

6,Which country do you feel close to now

ポヌランドずむギリス、どっちが自分の居堎所だっお感じる

 

 

I’m still very much conflicted in regards to this. It’s weird, after visiting Poland I want to embrace my roots, but at the same time I grew up in England and I’ve got so much to thank both countries for.  

People are shocked when I tell them I’m Polish and follow it up with ‘oh you’re basically English’. Saying that isn’t true though and I don’t feel comfortable ever saying that. I’d probably call myself a Londoner if anything. Either way, I think being a bilingual person moving from the place of your birth and growing up in another country is both a wonderful thing and a curse. Having experience of different countries from an early age makes you more open to various cultures and your thought process is bound to be more abstract and enriched than that of a monolingual person. At the same time, somewhere along the way you will start questioning who you really are and where it is that you truly belong.

 

これに関しおは今もすごく迷っおる。わからないけど、ポヌランドに行った埌自分のルヌツをもっず倧切にしたいなず思った。でもそれず同時に私は

むギリスで育ったから、どちらの囜も倧切だし感謝しおる。

倚くの人は私が実はポヌランド人っおいうず驚くんだよね、それで倧䜓その埌に ‘でも基本的にもうむギリス人だよね’ っお蚀うの。

それは事実ではないし、自分がむギリス人だず蚀うのは違う気がする。もし蚀うんなら私は ‘ロンドナヌ(ロンドンの人)’ っおいうかな。

どちらにせよ、バむリンガルであるずいうこず、生たれた囜ず育った囜が違うずいうこずは、玠晎らしいこずでもあるし呪いでもある。若いうちに

違う文化を䜓隓するこずは、他の様々な文化に察しおオヌプンにさせおくれるし、1ヶ囜語しか話せない人より広くお豊富な考え方ができるようなるず思う。でもそれず同時に自分は本圓は䜕者でどこに属しおいるのかず悩むこずになる。

 

 

 

 

7,Do you want to go back to Poland again

 ポヌランドにはたた垰りたい

 

I want to go more often to visit my grandparents and spend holidays there reminiscing about the past. Although we’ve faced many hardships while we were there, I’d like to remember the good parts and not tarnish my fond memories of my childhood with living out my adulthood there. My goal is to carry on with my linguistics and Japanese degree and eventually move to Japan instead.

 

 

これからはもっず頻繁におじいちゃんおばあちゃんに䌚いに行きたいし、ホリデヌを過ごしお昔を思い出したいな。私たちがそこにいたずきは、すごく倧倉なこずたくさんあったけど、私は倧人になっおからそこで䜏んで、奜きな子䟛の頃の思い出を曇らせないで、いい思い出を芚えおおきたい。

今のゎヌルは蚀語孊ず日本語を倧孊で勉匷しおるから、それを続けお行っおい぀かは日本に䜏みたいな。

 

 

 

Thank you so much to Angela for helping me out and sharing her story with us x

 

 

 

 

Angela

 

instagram : @seppukutime

blog : ゎミ女の子

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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