grey asexuality : chat with shiho

October 25, 2017



Hello!  22th to 28th of October week is  ASEXUALITY AWARENESS WEEK, and I shared "what's asexuality?" last post (LINK). This time, I chat with one of my friends, Shiho, who is asexual. 

はろー、今月22-28日はアセクシャルアウェアネスウェークということで、前回の記事に続き(LINK) 今回もアセクシャル/無性愛について。今回は私、るるの友達で恋愛はするけどセックスはしたくないというグレーアセクシャルのShihoにインタビューしたよ。



1. Please introduce yourself



My name is Shiho. I was born in Osaka and currently living in Tokyo, 24 years old. I went to private school and then went to University to study literature. Now, working at a IT company as a web director. I used to love rock music, fashion and traveling but now is enjoying staying at home.





2. How do you define your sexuality?



Grey-Asexual. I used to thought I was Bisexual but I'm Heterosexual. I'm not really sure about my sexuality so I would say Grey-Asexual. Some Asexual people have neither romantic feeling and sexual attraction to others but not all asexual are like that. For my case, I have romantic feelings to others but I don't want to have any sexual activities. People say that kissing and having sex make you feel you are loved but I don't feel like that. For me, those are just physical activities.




3. When did you start to think that you are asexual?



When I was around 20n years old. I had never been in relationship before 20 and I thought I'm not popular. I like girl's body that's why I thought I might like girls. I found girl's body is attractive(like photos of girls in underwear) but men's naked body and half naked is disgusting ( I think there are lots girls like that). I read some articles and posts by LGBTQIA people and knew about asexuality.






4. You told me that you don't even want to watch kiss scene on TV. Since when did you start to feel like that?



About 6 months ago. I had a boyfriend when I was 21 and sex life with him had not been well. While we were taking about the problem, I've started to feeling disgusted by sex. I don't even want to watch it on film. However, I've been taking to my friends and my ex about it recently, maybe just me and him didn't match and it gave me traumatic feelings. But I think myself grey-asexual nearly for 3 years now so for now I would say I am grey-asexual.






5. Do you find hard to explain about it to people?



I do. Most people don't talk about relationship without sex so I often miss the chance say that I am asexual. I'm attracted to people in romantic way so it was really hard to explain it to my ex boyfriend. He couldn't understand it and we broke up but I can get that it's hard to understand for some people. Being Grey-asexual, like me, might be harder than Asexual because when we find a partner, who is not Asexual, we have to explain it to them and try to find how to keep the relationship. I researched about it lots but I only found ' one have to give up (to have sex or not to have) to the your partner '. It doesn't solve anything. What do I do when I get a partner next time? Who should I ask advise and would it work?





6. What do you want to change for Asexual / LGBTQIA in Japan?



I want people know about it first. I don't know what to do to be honest, but I want people know there are Asexual / LGBTQIA people.




7.  Is it hard to find someone who are Asexual?



Yes. And I actually what to say to them if I met those people anyway. I don't think people want to talk about their sexuality to someone at a first meeting. But gay people seems quite open to talk.




8. Have you had bad experiences because of being Asexual?



I am not a lesbian but once one of my high school classmate told me that she can't be a friend with you if you are a lesbian. That surprised me. Also my ex said that I am abnormal because I don't like sex and don't want a baby and he thinks it's disease. 



9. Anything you want to do as a Asexual?



I don't think I want to do something in public like activists. Maybe just share some articles on facebook. I know I have to do something to make things change but still I'm lazy for now. I am thinking of telling about my sexuality to my close friends. I wish they would understand but I know many people don't even know about Asexuality so I don't want to force them to understand me.





Comment from Shiho

I rethink about my sexuality this time for this interview and realised that I want people understand me/asexuality but I don't want to something for it. I'm okey with only people, who can understand, understand me. Perhaps some people will be disappointed by my comment but this is how I feel now. My mind might change one day and when it did, I would talk about this on SNS or meet someone to discuss about it.




Thank you so much Shiho to share your story with us ;) I hope people can get to know about Asexuality a bit from this post x



Ruru x



Photo by Ruru

Painting image by Monet


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