ๆฒใใฟใ็ฅใ
(byย Zorro Gris)
Hi everybody, this is Eli.
ใฟใชใใใใใซใกใฏ๏ผใจใชใผใงใใ
If you have been very sad recently, this post might be slightly triggering. Proceed with caution.
ๆ่ฟๆฒใใๆใใใใไบบใฏใใใฎๆ็จฟใ่ชญใใงใคใใๆใใใใใใใใใชใใๆณจๆใใฆ่ชญใใงใใ ใใใ
ย
I have been back in Italy for three months now. Coming back was no easy task โ I went back to my hometown where I have barely any connection, and all my Italian friends are in a city three hours from here. Not only that, I have had a very busy period in which I was alone for most of the time. Needless to say, it wasnโt the best position to be in for someone who has been in depressive states before.
ใคใฟใชใขใซๅธฐใฃใฆ3ใๆใ ใๆฏๅฝใซๆปใใฎใฏๆฑบใใฆ็ฐกๅใชใใจใงใฏใชใใฃใใ็ใพใ่ฒใฃใใใฉใใงใฏ็ฅใๅใๅฐใชใใใใคใฟใชใขไบบใฎๅ้ใใฟใใช้ ใไฝใใงใใฎใใใใซใใพใใฆใๅฟใใใฆใไธไบบใงใใใใจใๅคใใใใค็ ็ถๆ ใซใใ็งใซใจใฃใฆใฏใๆ้ฉใฎ็ฐๅขใงใฏใชใใฃใใฎใใใ๏ผ็ฌ๏ผ
Some days getting out of bed seemed an impossible task. When you donโt have to go to university or to work, a second can feel endless (not in a good way). All I had to do was to write and read, and as nice as that might sound it was becoming a nightmare for me since I had nothing else to look forward to.
ย
ๆ่ตทใใใฎใๆๅคงใซ้ฃใใๆใใๆฅใใใฃใใๅคงๅญฆใซ่กใใใจใใใใคใใใชใใฃใใใใไธ็งใฏๆฐธ้ ใซๆใใใๆ้ใ้ฒใพใชใใใใใใใใใใจใงใฏใชใใๆฌใ่ชญใใงใ่ซๆใๆธใใชใใใฐใชใใชใใฃใ็งใฏใปใใซๆฅฝใใฟใซใใใใจใใชใใๆฏๆฅใๆชๅคขใฎใใใ ใฃใใ
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Moreover, I was doing a very unhealthy thing โ I kept blaming myself for being sad. I kept thinking that it was crazy to be this sad when I was living again with my beloved family after 5 years of living apart. They were showering me with love. Something must have been wrong with me.
ย
ใใใ็งใฏใ่ชๅใฎๆฒใใใๅฆๅฎใใฆใใ๏ผๅนด้้ขใใฆใๅฎถๆใจใใฃใจไธ็ทใซ้ใใใๆๆใชใฎใซใใใใชใซๆฒใใใชใใฎใฏใใใใชใใฃใฆๆใฃใฆใ่ชๅใ่ฒฌใใฆใใใๅฎถๆใ็งใฎใใจใๅคงๅฅฝใใชใฎใซใๅฌใใใชใใชใ่ชๅใใใใใใฃใฆๆใฃใฆใใพใฃใใ
With time I realized that embracing my sadness made me feel better. Maybe it might be rare to feel sadness as intensely as I do, but dark periods are not uncommon at all, and thinking of them as something normal that happens made everything seem lighter. Talking with friends and family helped me in understanding this.
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ๅ้ใๅฎถๆใฎใใใใงๆ้ใ็ตใคใซใคใใๆฒใใฟใๅใๅ ฅใใใใจใงใๆฐๅใ่ฏใใชใใใจใซๆฐใฅใใใ็งใฟใใใซใใฃใใๆฒใใใชใใฎใฏ็ใใใใจใใใใใชใใใฉใ่ชฐใซใ ใฃใฆๆใๆๆใใใใใจใซๆฐใใคใใใใใใ็ต้จใใใใฎใๆฎ้ใชใฎใใใฃใฆๆใฃใใใๅ จใฆใ่ปฝใ่ฆใใใ
ย
Hearing the stories of the people around me opened my eyes to the fact that pain and hardship are a constant in everybodyโs life. This might look like an ugly truth, but there is also something beautiful in it โ pain can sometimes function as a bridge between people. Many have been by my side embracing my sadness and slowly dragging me out of it, and likewise I have been listening more closely to the tears of the people around me.
ย
ๅจใใฎไบบใฎ่ฉฑใ่ใใฆใๆๆ ใฎ่่คใ็ต้จใใใฎใฏ็ใใฆใใใใใใจใ ใจใใใใจใซ็ฎ่ฆใใใๅฌใใใชใใใจใซ่ฆใใใใใใใชใใใฉใ็ตถๆใใใใใชใใจใงใใชใใจๆใใ๏ผ็ฌ๏ผใชใใชใใๆฒใใฟใๅ ฑๆใใใใจใงใไบบใจใฎ็ตใๆทฑใใชใใใจใใใใใใ ใ็งใฎๅจใใซใ็งใฎๆฒใใใๅใๅ ฅใใฆๅฉใใฆใใใไบบใใใใใใใใใ็งใๆฉใ่ฟใใใใฆๅฝผใๅฝผๅฅณใใฎๆฉใฟใซ่ณใๅพใใใใใซใชใฃใใ
Mapping the sadness around me has got me thinking of how all these distressing feelings are deeply human. To me, darkness is much easier to accept in the people around me than in myself โ maybe thatโs why listening to other peopleโs difficulties is so strangely comforting. It makes me realize that if I have no problem loving my friends and accepting their darkness maybe my own pain is acceptable, too. Maybe I donโt have to repress it as if it were something monstrous.
ย
ๅจใใฎไบบใฎๆใใฆใใๆฒใใฟใ็ฅใใใจใงใใใฎๆๆ ใใจใฆใไบบ้็ใ ใจ็่งฃใใใ็งใซใจใฃใฆใฏไปไบบใฎๆใ้จๅใใ่ชๅใฎใใๅใๅ ฅใใใใใฎใงใๅ้ใฎๆฉใฟใ่ใใฆ่ชๅใฎๆๆ ใๅใๅ ฅใใใใจใใงใใใฎใใใใใพๆใใฆใใใใฎๆฐๆใกใฏใใใใพใงๆใใใใฏใชใใใใ
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